LGBT persons (hereinafter "gays") are no strangers to homophobia, of course, as its object, but I'll wager they rarely consider what strikes me as the most egregious and offensive homophobe on Earth: the "former" gay.
If you are not one of the two people who has been reading this blog thus far, you might ask "But Bacchus, as gay is an orientation, how could anyone be 'formerly' gay?!?!?!" I've said before that the idea of gay as an "orientation" was spawned less than 200 years ago and no one before that really categorized themselves as "heterosexual' or "homosexual." I'll say now that these bullshit categories also spawn a whole new reason for gays to feel they should hate themselves.
I don't blame the "formerly gay," necessarily, but I do think it miraculous that they so fully embrace the "formerly" that they seem to forget what it is to be marginalized. I don't blame the FGs because they have probably never heard anything but that gay is an inexorable orientation, so it is not surprising that upon feeling an opposite-sex attraction an FG feels compelled to switch "identities" as well, to get a grip on that attraction. "Oh," the FG says to himself/herself, "I find that vagina/penis suddenly seems less offensive. I might even want to fuck said vagina/penis. Oh my god, I want to fuck said vagina/penis! I must be straight!" Well, FG, I was almost with you. I totally understand your desire for the opposite sex; I have it too. That desire for the opposite sex is to be expected. But, you say, suddenly, in this moment where you have realized one attraction, you feel a simultaneous extinguishing of the same sex attraction?
I call bullshit. Of course, I recognize why you, FG, would be thrilled at the prospect of fitting into all the many stereotypical norms accessible only to the straight. But how has it happened that in the space of one week this lowly blogger has had multiple friends, formerly out as lesbians, tell her they refused to attend a lesbian event because they did not belong there in light of their respective desires for men? This all before these women have managed to be happy with a man. Let's be clear - I believe they could be. I know happily married, now straight FGs. I'm not upset that they chose to pursue their interest in men. I'm upset because I get the distinct impression the friends I chose partly for their open-mindedness now seem meaner than the most fundamentalist Christian in Mississippi.
Let's imagine, for a moment, that Gay A and Gay B have Straight Friend C and all are hanging out together. One day Gay A and B ask Straight C if he would like to accompany them to Trigger (Gay Bar T). Gay A and B know C is straight - this is no effort to turn him and they are all good friends. C would presumably have the same experience at Gay Bar T as Gay A and B have at all straight bars where they follow C: free to drink and socialize but not finding anyone to go home with. If C declines their one-time invitation to Gay Bar T because he doesn't feel comfortable amongst gays, C is a homophobe, at least on some level. Maybe he's selfish and won't bother dragging his ass to a bar where he can't get laid. But assuming he's not a nymphomaniac, not too tired to go out, just declining expressly because he's uncomfortable in a gay environment - well, then he's a homophobe, even if he has gay friends.
Now let's replace C with FG in this scenario. In my experience, FG ALWAYS declines this invitation. In fact, they go one step further than Straight C - they say expressly that they do not wish to visit Gay Bar T because "they no longer belong there" or something along those lines. Seriously, I've gotten two variations on this line in a week.
Tell me, FG, how is this not homophobia? We're talking about single-instance invites here, not consistent trips to only gay bars. Your gay friends are going to have a mirroring experience every single time they go to a straight bar with you. This diatribe is not about you wanting to visit more straight bars in your life, it's about how you respond to your still-gay friend's offer to socialize by saying "I want nothing to do with your type of people." Yet if the FG looks not-so-far back into her memory, she will likely find immense pain at some point when such words were spoken to her. Imagine if they were spoken by a close friend, what pain you might feel then. It is a curious sensation, to say the least.
May all the FGs out there consider more heavily the words they intend to speak. You're not absolved of the scarlet letter of "homophobe" forever just because you used to fuck gay. If you're going to continue along those lines, you're going to lose the right to use the words "fag" and "dyke" any minute now.
